I am a parent to a teenage daughter. [Insert appropriate level of panic here.]
Personally, I don't think most people really know what they are doing when it comes to parenting. I always felt like there would be a magical day when I felt grown up and like I knew all of the secrets of the world. Suffice it to say that it hasn't happened. Regardless, I have a child, and she's growing up, so I've continued to make things up as I've gone along, and it's been going pretty well. So far, she's a likable, considerate person who gets decent grades, has a lot of interests, and has friends whose parents I don't hate. As an extra added bonus, she gets along with me as a mom and a tolerable adult figure. I consider that a win.
With that less than stellar resume of my parental qualifications, here are my top 3 pieces of unsolicitied life advice for my teenage daughter. Who knows. Maybe your child, or any random adult for that matter, will learn a little something.
1. You actually don't "HAVE TO" do most things.
There are some basic life things that we all have to do--but there's a whole lot that we actually don't have to do, but that we do out of obligation. Let me rephrase. You do not have to do everything people ask or tell you to do, like or try. You get to say no and you don't even have to give said person a reason why either. How cool is that?
You don't have to like a band, hate a person, identify as gay/bi/straight, try a drug, do a shot, dye your hair, eat food, take a dare or do anything physically that you don't want to do. People of all ages will try to tell you otherwise, and they are wrong. This also goes for hugging someone creepy, eating a dessert that a coworker made or having a second helping of casserole because someone says "You are too skinny!" People often want some sort of validation for how they live their lives, and they will try to get someone to affirm their own choices by choosing them, too. You don't have to be that someone.
The flip side of this is that other people also don't have to do everything you tell them they have to do either. We each get to make our own choices, and take a "No" or "No thank you" or "I don't think so" as a real answer. Set the personal boundaries that are right for you, and accept other people's boundaries, too.
2. Plan ahead--at least a little bit.
Children and adults alike each deal with "emergencies" on a regular basis--many of which wouldn't have had to be emergencies with just a wee bit of forethought. Many day to day "emergencies" can be mitigated by having your cell phone, $10 in cash, and your house keys.
On the low end, here are a few super-easy tips from me to you. Bring a towel with you into the bathroom. Brush your teeth before you put on your lipstick. Put on your knee pads before your wrist guards. A little forethought goes a long way.
On to bigger and better things. Many other perceived "emergencies" have only become so because of neglecting to look ahead a few days to see what is coming up or a general lack of communication. On Sunday, look ahead at your week. Give me a heads up that you have a band concert, volleyball game, birthday party or sleepover at least 2 days before it happens. If I have to fill out paperwork, or give you permission to do something, or figure out any logistics, make that a week. All those activities that you are involved it don't just happen. It takes a bit to get a doctor's appointment for an athletics physical or request a copy of your vaccination records or lay hands on the special whatever-it-is that you want to get whats-her-name for whatever thing it is she's celebrating.
Also, just know that if you don't plan ahead, I am at the point where I'm done making your poor planning my emergency. I've got things going on too--must of which I had to schedule and arrange to accommodate all of your activities that I actually knew about.
Overall, take responsibility for your own life because no one is going to care more about your activities than you do. Get a calendar and write things down. While I'm temporarily still your chauffeur, I am not your concierge.
3. Seek out help when you need it.
Everyone needs help from an adult sometimes. Everyone. You can talk to me, or if you'd rather, try out these people: your dad, your step-dad, my best friend, your best friend's mom, a teacher at school who you like. Talking to your friends is great, but sometimes you need an adult opinion. (I have 30 years of life experience on you--which means I've been through a few things that are totally new to you.) You are fortunate that you have many, many people who care about you who want you to be well. Even if you think it's the most horrible thing that anyone could ever do, let's talk and figure out what's next. Give me a chance to help before you do something extreme like running away, hurting yourself or hurting others. I am also happy to share my list of stupid things that I did as a child (and some after that) that I also thought were super horrible then that you will find laughably lame, now.
If you know of someone who you think needs help, tell one of us about that, too. I am happy to talk to your friends, their friends, other people's parents, or whoever else you think is struggling to help them get through it--whatever it might be. Life is often hard, and going through it alone makes it even harder. Let one of us help--which includes picking you up and helping you get out of a messed up situation at some god awful hour in the morning (which I will happily do whenever it is needed.) I'm also not going to yell at you or give you a hard time. Again. Here to help.
What is your top "adulting" advice for others?
How to Keep On, Keeping On
When it comes to healthy habits, figuring out how to stay motivated is the ball game. I think we all know that we should (in it’s simplest form) eat less and move more. The trick is figuring out how to make good decisions for future you (who wants to age well) while also contending with current you, who very much wants to eat batter fried cheese curds and binge watch “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”. (Just as a for instance.)
Aside from working on making long-term dietary changes and working on my mindset in general, I find that having another layer of accountability helps. Since I HATE HATE HATE spending money stupid, apps that not only gamify the process but include a financial incentive help me stay motivated as I strive to help future Brenda live a long, active, and healthy life. Her are my top three apps, plus one bonus app, that help me do just that.
Stepbet helps people with motivation and accountability as they strive to be more active as measured by an increase in steps taken. It requires use of a fitness tracker to track steps and participate in challenges. Stepbet runs 6-week walking challenges that usually cost $40 for an individual to enter. Upon completing the challenge successfully, participants receive their $40 back, and usually a little more, with the amount depending on how many people finished and get to split the pot. (I have earned as much as $53 total.) Step goals are based on increasing your current steps per day. 4 days per week have a regular step goal with 2 days having even higher stretch goals.
I used Stepbets as a starting point when preparing for my first 5K. I have also used Stepbets anytime my activity level has gotten too low to kickstart my increased exercise.
Runbet is very similar to Stepbet (and is also a part of WayBetter), but has a focus on helping with accountability as people build the running habit. Runbet hosts 2-8 week challenges (most are 6 weeks) like Starter 5k, Making Running a Habit, Getting Back Into Running, and Run to Lose Weight. Challenges specify how fast participants need to run (18 minutes per mile for the beginner challenges), frequency of running required (3-6 times per week), and required time or mileage to be achieved. Participants can use the free Runkeeper app to track their running outside, or submit a picture of the treadmill readout and a “sweaty selfie” to confirm mileage run indoors.
I participated in two Runbet when preparing to run my first 5K. Having a set schedule, and the extra motivation of not losing my $40, helped me to keep in the running habit. Also, since the pace was 18 minutes per mile, I could walk at a good pace and still make the time.
HealthyWage take accountability to a whole new level. Where as Runbet and Stepbet focus on activity, HealthyWage focuses on results—specifically a change in the scale. The goals are much more flexible, as is the amount of money to “bet” on the desired outcome, amount of weight to lose, and timeframe needed. Based on inputs, you see how much you could make.
From there, you do an official weigh in—which includes submitting a video of you weighing yourself with specific parameters to verify that it is you on the scale, and that you’re not falsifying information.
In addition to the main challenge, there are additional contests you can also take part in. Those include challenges to lose 6% of your body weight and challenges that increase your overall activity level as measured through step count. I signed up for a step challenge—specifically the Winter Walk-A-Thon Step Challenge. My current step average was calculated from recent FitBit data. From there, HealthyWage sets a goal for me to reach which is 25% above my current step count. For this 60-day challenge, I pay $30 per month, and I need to achieve a total number of steps over the course of the challenge that is equal to 60 days-worth of steps at the identified step count.
For example, if my established step goal is 10,000 per day, over the course of 60 days, I would need to take 600,000 steps, which averages out to 10,000 per day. There is no daily goal, however (which I like a lot). If I move a lot on one day, my displayed average daily steps needed will decrease to cover that difference. If I have a relatively stationary day, my displayed average daily steps needed will increase. One way or another, though, I need to meet that established step goal in the timeframe, so I win the bet.
I just recently signed up for HealthyWage. I’ve built, and lost, and built good routines for fitness in the past. Now, it was time for me to make sure those good fitness habits stuck, and that I also fine tuned my diet. Using HealthyWage to hold me accountable for weight loss AND increasing my activity will help give me another layer of accountability to meet my goals.
Runbet, Stepbet, and HealthyWage impact fitness related habits and results to help with accountability. The motivation is both not losing your initial investment and the possibility of earning a financial reward.
Stickk is a helpful as a stick, rather than a carrot, to help you stay accountable for a goal, fitness or otherwise. Instead of giving you the opportunity to win, with Stickk, it motivates you to meet your goal so you don’t lose. Stickk has to pick an Anti-charity where you’ll have to donate if you do not reach your goal. You can even identify people who will verify that you achieved your goal. In my case, I used this as another form of motivation for completing the Northshore Inline Marathon. It was also a case where my teenage daughter (also not a fan of my anti-cause) threatened to “kick my ass” if I didn’t meet my goal. That’s what I call accountability.
What Do You Think?
How do you stay motivated to meet your health and fitness goals? Share your thoughts in the comments.
The Importance of Recovery
I'm in the swing of inline marathon training. This includes three outdoor skates per week (currently 3-6 miles each with increasing mileage over time), one day of cross-training per week, and strength training once a week. To make all of this possible, recovery is critically important. In addition to sleep, Epsom salt baths, and monthly massages, there are three tools that help with the active part of recovery.
The Obligatory Disclaimer
Before I share my thoughts on tools for active recovery, which could be construed as medical advice, please note that I am not a doctor, lawyer, or certified health care anything. What I am is lifelong learner and a first-time inline marathon participant who's figuring out what works for me and sharing what I learn. Be sure to double check my math with your own doctor, personal trainer, or whoever it might make sense to ask about these sorts of things. Go forth and do your own research!
The Value of Taking a Class
I am a fan of learning as much as I can through research, then taking a class to help me get the bigger picture. I highly recommend a class taught by Angie Fern entitled Muscle Tension Release With Foam Rollers and Tennis Balls Workshop, or a foam roller class for short. This 3-hour class (which I've now taken twice) helped set me right and get me going in the right direction. I highly recommend it. I've included the website to keep an eye on regarding upcoming classes. Angie is definitely the go-to for how to really leverage these tools. This article only scratches the surface.
For Legs: Strap
There are a few areas in dire need of stretching that require a little extra help. While there are a few yoga stretches (pigeon and butterfly pose come to mind) that target the hips and thigh areas, using a strap helps stretch these areas more effectively. Since I'm skating, which uses a lot of quads, calves, and hips, these stretches are mission critical.
I have my fancy strap that I typically use. I also have a plainer travel strap that has the buckle. I love the strap in that it travels well, and also gives me a quick, effective way to stretch important muscle groups.
Check out this YouTube video to see the stretches I do on a near-daily basis. I typically do each stretch for 2 minutes per leg.
For Feet and Back: Two Tennis Balls in a Sock
Two tennis balls in a sock is not to be confused with the following items:
For my feet, I put one foot on the end of the sock, then roll my other foot over the tennis ball to work out knots. It seem to be the right amount of pressure to work out tightness. This also helps with planter fasciitis, that horrible tightness in the bottoms of the feet. I typically do this a minute or so per day, and on an as needed basis, to relieve that tension. As needed, I also will put my foot in between the tennis balls to ease out knots in the sides of my foots.
For my hips and back, I lie on my back, and position one tennis ball on each side of my spine down near my tailbone. Over time, I move it a bit at a time and work it up towards my neck. This is a great way to massage those key points that aren't easy to hit using other methods.
Check out this video on how to make your very own two tennis balls and a sock and a couple of ideas on how to use your creation.
For Nearly Everything: Foam Roller
Foam rollers are starting to gain popularity--and I see why. They offer a great way to do targeted massage on your muscles without having to schedule (and pay for) a massage each time.
During the class I mentioned taking with Angie Fern, I learned strategies for using a foam roller head to toe to address muscle tension and improve everything from planter fasciitis pain to improving breathing capacity to preventing headaches.
I especially love using the foam roller to address multiple areas of my legs. Rolling out my calves and quads are two key areas that help my recovery greatly.
I also have a few key bits of advice to share. First off, roll out each leg independently instead of rolling out both at the same time. This helps give each leg the attention it needs.
When it comes to equipment, I suggest a plain foam roller (instead of those that are textured). Sometimes, the textured rollers put too much pressure on a given area. Second, having a shorter foam roller, 12-18 inches, gives more options for specific exercises and is also easier to store.
Check out this video for a few basic foam roller moves you might want to check out.
What Do You Think?
How do you rest and recover while training for an event? Or just in general? Include your thoughts in the comments.
I'm Skating an Inline Marathon!
I am officially skating an inline marathon! I'm signed up for the Northshore Inline Marathon in Duluth, MN on September 14, 2019. Click here for actual proof of enrollment!
Lessons from Failed Half-Marathons Past (aka My Half-Baked, Half-Marathon "Training Plan")
Last August, I was sign up to skate a half marathon. To call what I had a “training plan” is way overstating my level of planning and commitment. Here’s about how it went:
Lessons Learned: Make For-Reals Training Plan
So when did the wheels come off this whole thing? I can point back to the very beginning where I told myself “I could TOTALLY do a half marathon without any training” and promptly did pretty close to NO actual training. My non-existent training plan, and lack of good old fashioned “I’ll white knuckle my way through it” willpower contributed to my failure. Also--I seemed to think that announcing my intention to do the half marathon was enough to get me to actually, well, do it.
Inline Marathon 2019: High Level Plan
I call "do-over."
This past fall, I signed up for the Northshore Inline Marathon. Even before I enrolled, I started planning for my success. Here’s my basic plan.
Phase I: Fitness (October - January)
Goals: Build a base level of fitness.
Phase II: Cardio (February - April)
Goals: Increase my endurance.
Phase III: Skating Distance (May - August)
Goals: Skate longer distances outside on uneven terrain.
I'll elaborate on specific tasks and milestones in my inline marathon training plan in future blog articles.
What Do You Think?
When training for an event, what kind of strategy have you used to be successful? Include your thoughts in the comments.
Why a Whole Foods Plant Based (WFPB) Diet?
I started eating a predominantly Whole Foods Plants Based (WFPB) Diet a few months ago. I did this for health reasons motivated by my ongoing quest to improve my health, and after reading the book How Not to Die. In short, a diet that minimizes (or eliminates) animal based foods tends to help greatly reduce the risk of multiple health conditions including heart disease, multiple types of cancer, infections, depression, and more. As I look at people in my family who have struggled with health issues, I'm taking proactive steps to help maintain and improve my overall health and well-being.
Is Whole Foods Plant Based (WFPB) the same as Vegan?
My best answer to this question is "it depends on who you ask." Some will define being a vegan as including political views as well as dietary habits. Many vegans also champion causes against animal cruelty and beliefs impact well beyond diet to include choices in personal care products and clothing.
In addition, while vegan's don't consume animal products, they may eat process animal product substitutes like Tofurky, Morningstar, almond milk, or cheese made from cashews. People following a WFPB diet stay away from processed foods, and some may even still eat some animal based products, but in moderation. Some WFPB diet followers also avoid sugar and oil for health reasons. In short, WFPB and vegan aren't necessarily the same, but there is a lot of shared ground on the dietary front.
What's My Label?
When it comes to dietary choices, much like political parties, some people are strong enforcers of being a purist. Vegans must hold the corresponding societal views. WFPB followers must eschew oil and sugar. Some are strong advocates of eliminating dairy, meat, and eggs altogether. There are also varying degrees of acceptance on protein powders. Most are adamant on no meet whatsoever.
While I appreciate the keepers of the definition, I don't neatly fall into a category. I eat predominantly vegetarian but I don't scour ingredients lists for any trace of animal products. I eat avocados, which sometimes get labeled as "not vegan" due to bee involvement in production. I have whole cow's milk in my lattes because, honestly, soy milk and almond milk both taste yucky to me. I have accidentally eaten a bacon bit or two when picking through a salad ordered for a group of people at work. I have had a battered fried cheese curd or two because I enjoy them. I also know that I can't eat much meat or cheese because my body has next to no tolerance for those things. I also have not attempted to remove all oil or sugar from my diet because I've made so very many dietary changes so far that I want to give myself a break from perfection.
My label? I tend to say I'm "just this side of vegan" and call it a day. And yes, some groups that I follow online chastise one another for not buying organic, or completely eliminating oil, or eating meat occasionally. I'm not a purist because I don't think that's helpful for me. In short, I try to eat better for my own health, not to completely fulfill someone else's ideal version of whatever label is in vogue now.
So What Do I Eat?
What Do You Think?
How do you define how you eat? What are your healthy favorites? Include your thoughts in the comments.
There are several days each year where people typically look back and assess their lives. This could be the anniversary of a death, a holiday full or memories, or your birthday. For me, the day I look back at my life is Groundhog’s Day.
February 2, 2006
Early in 2006, my life was at a crossroads. My then-husband and I were in the process of getting divorced, and I was figuring out how to transition from a house to two houses and what co-parenting my 2-year old daughter would be like. The one stable thing I had was my job. I was happy to have one thing that I could count on not changing.
…and then February 2 happened.
That morning, I went to work. I took a few minutes between meeting to create a spreadsheet to figure out if I could afford to buy a condo I’d looked at the night before on my own. As I saved, I got a tap on the shoulder that I had an impromptu meeting. I grabbed a pen and a legal pad and walked into a conference room full of executives who informed me that position was eliminated due to restructuring because of the company being acquired. I was in shock. I returned to my desk, deleted the spreadsheet of my financial plans (which in just a few minutes had become irrelevant), told my coworker Brad “I’m gone,” and found myself sitting in my car with a box containing all of my formerly workly possessions.
From the parking lot of my ex-workplace, I called my soon to be ex-husband to tell him that I was now unemployed. His only response was “huh.”
Then It Got a Little Worse
That weekend, I was on a road trip to visit some of my high school friends for a fun weekend of reminiscing and going to the Snowflake Ski Jump. On my way there, a local cop pulled me over for speeding. As I sat there, I glanced at the notification I’d just received from unemployment sitting in my passenger seat—the one that said I’d receive less money than the previous time I’d been laid off—meaning I wouldn’t be bringing enough money in to cover my half of the mortgage. As the officer came to my window, I could feel the tears well up. I could not get a ticket, too. I would cry (as I often heard people threaten to do), but this was no empty threat that would come to bear only through theatrics. I was legit going to fall apart if this happened.
This moment—sitting in the car with indications of my life failures greatest hits smacking me in the face, was a low point in my life—second only to my dad’s unexpected death.
Then It Got a Little Better
Fortunately, I think because of my street cred, which included being a native of a town nearby, I drove away ticket free. One thing had gone okay. Then I got to see friends, connect with new people, and spend more time with my daughter. I also had the time and space to figure out what to do with myself now.
The Transition Begins
It was an ugly, ugly few months.
I applied for countless jobs. I put our house up for sale. My daughter’s dad (new language from Mom’s House, Dad’s House) and I decided to move in tandem to Minneapolis, Minnesota from Madison, Wisconsin. I looked for jobs, made business connections, and stayed with friends on the way to and from my regular trips to Minneapolis. I didn’t sleep well for months. A tree fell down in my front yard the day of my open house, so I figure out how to have a giant tree removed while driving on I-90 from a job interview.
That May, I found a job, a pre-school for my daughter, a new place to live, and reconnected with one of my best friends from high school. Later, her dad found a job and moved, too, with his new girlfriend (who was a lovely person who was good to my daughter). Then, I totaled my car, dated and broke up with a couple of people, and got Shingles three times in a row. Some days, after work, I would lie on my floor and look at the ceiling in my apartment, my low-cost therapy as I adjusted to all of the life changes. I adjusted to my new normal after going through every major life change (save a death in the family) I could think to experience.
Then It Kept Getting Better
In October, on the same day, I was approved for a car loan and found out that my house in Madison had new owners. Over time, I made two great friends from my job and still spend time with them regularly. I got comfortable in a new city. I started dating someone who was great—then bought a house with and married that guy (who my daughter still calls “Mikey.”)
I got laid off again and got another good job, then got laid off again and got an even better job. My husband and I celebrate our 10th anniversary this year, my daughter is doing well, and my best friend and I get together most weeks to catch up. Life is pretty damn good.
A Frame of Reference for Gratitude
Sometimes, I see people who don’t seem happy with what they have. The strange upside of having gone through rough times is that it gives you a frame of reference. It reminds me to be grateful for the house that I love, my husband sitting in the living room with our two cats in his lap, my healthy, happy teenage daughter (including her brown, purple and blond hair), and my challenging job that I absolutely love.
’m grateful for being active, able-bodied, and having a strong sense of well-being. I am grateful for heat in the winter, air conditioning in the summer, and automatic garage door openers. I treasure mother/daughter movie night, trips to the skating rink, and even playing chauffeur on the girl’s friend outings. I value my roller derby skates, my outside roller skates, and my inline skates. I appreciate my cats, Zippy and Meathook, and the combination of disdain and affection they have for me. I am genuinely grateful for it all. Groundhogs Day is my annual reminder to remember all these things.
What Do You Think?
What reminds you to take time to be grateful? Include your thoughts in the comments.
The Challenge of Behavioral Change
About a year ago, I began driving to and from work on a daily basis. Consequently, I have become an avid audiobook listener. I enjoy reading non-fiction, and I focus on topics including business, management, social science, and health.
I've read a lot of books focused on personal improvement. While the information is always beneficial, here are three books that stood above the rest. They include convincing arguments for making positive life changes, straight talk about personal accountability, and specific steps to take to take needed action. In fact, each of these books was so helpful that I initially listened to them, then bought them in a hard copy to have access to the exercises and as a reference moving forward. Here they are in the order that helped me to take best advantage of the information.
1. Emotional Well-Being: Not Nice
Full book title:
Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself
Dr Aziz Gazipura
What I expected:
I was looking for a book on being a better conversationalist. After a couple of false starts with other books that focused on rehearsing conversations and strategies for coping with severe social anxiety, I stumbled across this book.
What I got:
This book is about being more authentic as a person, which can increase personal confidence and make it easier to move freely about the world--including having conversations with people you don't know very well. At it's core, it is about our misconceptions about being nice, and how we "nice" ourselves into insecurity, resentment, and unhappiness.
Dr. Aziz's personal stories resonated with me, and encouraged me to reexamine my attitudes and behaviors. The book includes exercises on everything from evaluating your personal "rules" for interacting with others to thinking through alternative ways to handle common situations. After going through these exercises, I am better at prioritizing what matters to me and living more authentically. As an extra added bonus, having a better sense of myself is helping me commit to the life changes I want to make. By giving myself permission to say no to things that don't appeal to me, and feeling more comfortable really committing to what I care about most, I'm making progress towards healthy eating and fitness.
2. Nutrition: How Not to Die
Full book title:
How Not to Die: Discover the Foods Scientifically Proven to Prevent and Reverse Disease
Michael Greger, MD
What I Expected:
I was looking for a book about nutrition. While I knew the basics, I wanted to eat better, and I thought having more information on nutrition would help. I also thought it had a high probability of being painfully boring.
What I Got:
I got nutritional information formatted in a way that I cared about it and decided to change my whole diet. Given family history of obesity, pain management, and limited mobility, I wanted to take positive steps to position myself for a long, healthy life where I could skip having to take multiple medications, increase my overall level of fitness, and bypass health issues.
This book guides the reader through health conditions and studies showing how healthier eating can minimize chances of getting the disease, or even provide treatment. Using scientific studies, and even acknowledging the shortcomings of some of them, this book lays out the "why" for the way of eating it advocates. The "why" is positioned not as fear mongering or shaming the reader into making positive life changes, but on the benefits of making eating changes that are completely within your control.
The author, Dr Greger, is an advocate for a Whole Foods Plant Based (WFPB) diet, which emphasizes leafy greens and lots of fruits and vegetables. He also mentions that even if people don't become strict in their adherence to this diet, including more fruits and vegetables will have positive results. I would have never seen myself completely change my eating, but this book gave tangible, specific reasons to upgrade my diet for the better and never look back.
I got more than a dry book on nutrition. Instead, I got the motivation and key strategies I needed to make positive, healthy lifestyle changes. As an extra bonus, the Daily Dozen (also available as an app) is a helpful tool to make sure I'm planning my diet around these core requirements.
3. Fitness: The Little Black Book of Workout Motivation
Full book title:
The Little Black Book of Workout Motivation
What I expected:
I will be completing an inline marathon later on this year, and I am making plans for my workouts leading up to the event. I also know that the last time I signed up for an inline half marathon, I managed to not make a training plan and ended up not even doing the event. I went in looking for motivation (and not even really knowing what I expected that to be). I was also not entirely convinced that I could get motivation from a book, but I was willing to give it a shot.
What I got:
This book is the stern talking to I needed to commit to a goal, take steps to motivate me to achieve it, and the "just do it" mentality to take action towards that goal. The focus is not just on thinking positive thoughts, but on doing the work to make success happen. Like with many books focused on personal improvement, there aren't a lot of new and unusual ideas. It does, however, bring together useful ideas and package them together to motivate action. It includes useful tools and exercises to get from "I should maybe sort of kind of do a thing" to "I'm going to the gym right now, and I'll continue to fine-tune my plan as I go."
There are a few helpful exercises to help empower people to get out of their own way. So often, people sort of, kind of commit to a goal, then find every reason not to follow through. Personally, I think of all the excuses I can come up with for not going to the gym. Using the techniques included in the book, helped me to eliminate many of those lame excuses and motivate myself to go even if I don't totally feel like it on a given day.
What Do You Think?
What books have influenced you to make positive life changes? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Feeling Behind? This Can Help.
I work at a fast-paced software company that is growing like crazy. That means that no matter how much I accomplish, there are always things left undone, and I feel like I should be able to figure out how to do more. In a meeting with my manager, where I shared this frustration, she told me that needed to remind myself of what I DID get done. She challenged me to take time each week to list out my successes. I've been doing that for about a month now, and it'a amazing what a difference it makes. Instead of focusing on the negatives, taking a moment to appreciate, and be grateful, for all the things I've accomplished really helped.
Applying Work to the Rest of Life
While completing this exercise for my job, I also included a few successes from life in my list. I quickly realized that, as at work, I get way more life things done than I realize. I decided to go bigger with my list. At this time of year--when we so often focus on all of the things we're going to totally change in our lives--I decided to take stock of what all I accomplished this year first. Here are 50 things I did this year.
26. Joined a gym.
27. Made my first smoothie in my very own smoothie maker.
28. Painted the living room walls red and gray (again, mostly my lovely husband).
29. Planned an upcoming vacation to New Orleans.
30. Read 13 audiobooks.
31. Rode the train from Duluth, MN to Two Harbors, MN.
32. Rolled over my old retirement account.
33. Roller skated at US Bank Stadium for the first time.
34. Saved money for retirement in a 401(k) and Roth 401(k).
35. Saw "Singing in the Rain" at the Heights Theater.
36. Shared my employment success story with the White Box Club.
37, Shopped for and bought my first inline skates.
38. Signed up for my first inline marathon.
39. Started a new job as a training department manager at a growing SaaS software start-up.
40. Stood in two states at once – Iowa and Nebraska.
41. Switched banks.
42. Took a foam roller class.
43. Traveled to 13 US states.
44. Treated myself to monthly massages.
45. Visited my mom and had mother/daughter/granddaughter holiday lefse making day.
46. Walked along the beach and watched the sun set over the Pacific Ocean.
47. Watched "Lethal Weapon" at the Parkway Theatre.
48. Went to the gym at least eight times a month from April through December.
49. Won two Step Bets to and increased my overall activity level.
50. Worked my first learning and development contracting gig.
Whoa. I did accomplish a few things. I love that I had milestones including health, adventures, and garden-variety adulting. Seeing this list helped me remind myself of the amazing things I can do. Taking a moment to celebrate, and be grateful for, these successes has me excited to plan for next year's adventures!
What Do You Think?
What did you accomplish this year? Leave your thoughts in the comments.
Just Eat Healthy. Duh.
We all know that we should eat a “healthy” diet. What does that mean? It’s easy to get caught up in the whirl of diets that are popular today—be it Keto, Paleo, DASH, Atkins, Whole 30, or something totally else—and feel like whatever changes you make might be the wrong ones. So now what?
Words of Wisdom on Eating Healthier
Life changes are hard. Everything is new, and everyone has an opinion on what you should or shouldn’t do. We all know that we should move more and eat less, but we often get in our own way when it comes to making a healthier life happen. Here are three mindset tips that helped me stop overthinking and start making better dietary choices.
Tip 1: Never Miss Two in a Row
Over the years, I’ve dieted a ton—including Weight Watchers, Naturally Slim, TOPS, SlimFast and other ridiculous things I have blocked out. While I had success some (but not all) of the time, the effects were short lived. Changing your diet in the short term, but not looking at how to create sustainable changes, leads us right back where we started and leaves us feeling defeated because we succeeded, then failed. Such is the issue with going on a diet with the goal of losing a set amount of weight in a set amount of time.
Instead, it’s better to focus on changing your overall diet, and on a larger scale, your lifestyle. This means the possibility of fewer results right away, but a better chance of real deal, longer term success. Instead of lying to yourself that you’ll never eat [insert thing you absolutely love] again, figure out how to make better overall choices with food that will become just regularly schedule life longer term.
Steve Kamb, founder of Nerd Fitness, has advice to help stop the spiraling before it starts. One of the core tenants of Nerd Fitness is “Never miss two in a row.” Basically, if you miss a workout, or eat a not-so-healthy meal, instead of giving up, consider it the blip that it is and keep on going. Instead of eating a donut at work, deciding you are a horrible person who can’t commit to anything, and make abysmal food choices for the rest of the day—and perhaps forever—commit to not missing two in a row. So you had a donut. Make your next meal or snack better. That’s it. Instead of labeling yourself a “failure”, label yourself “human” and get back to your bigger plan of healthier living.
Tip 2: Get It Right 80% of the Time.
For every identified way of eating that could be successful, there is someone who is ready to proclaim that whatever you’re doing is not “right” or in keeping with said established diet. Instead of listening to the voices online, in your family, or simply in your head trying to convince you that you’re not a good enough paleo/vegan/pescatarian, tune out the unhelpful voices out and focus on eating more things that are better for you more often. Other people can pound their tiny fists as much as they want to, but they are not living your lives, and, honestly, they don’t get a say in your choices.
Dr Michael Greger, author of “How Not to Die”, is an advocate of the benefits of a Whole Food Plant Based (WFPB) diet, which he backs up with scientific research. However, he also points out that making positive changes can be iterative. For example, if you’ll eat salad greens (which have multiple health benefits), but you need to have Bacos on it (which are processed and not great for you), make that iterative, positive change! More than once, I’ve had a big salad loaded with vegetables and a side order of french fries. In short, improve your diet, don’t beat yourself up for doing things you want to do. That’s the path to self-loathing and general unhappiness, not an overall healthier you.
Over time, as you eat more things that are better for you, your body will start to crave healthier food and not have any time for the Bacos/fast food/whole entire cake that you would have eaten routinely in the past. That 80% gets you where you need to be in spite of a “keeper of the label” making uninvited commentary on your choices.
Tip 3: Sometimes, You Have to Eat Like a Dog.
When you start to look at making a chance in how you eat, everything in life gets harder. If you’re no longer picking up a burger at the drive though, now what the heck do you eat? How much do you have to figure out how to cook? What do you even buy at the grocery store? Where is the grocery store anyway?
Enter my personal trainer, Colin, with the best, most practical advice ever. When I told him that I struggled with meal planning, he simply stated “sometimes, you have to eat like a dog.” He went on to explain that I don’t have to make something elaborate for every meal. Instead, I should pick a few staples and move up from there. He pointed out that we feed our pets the same thing every day for a reason—they need certain health needs met, and we know their food will do that for them. Why not do the same thing for ourselves?
When looking for recipes, we see many options that are colorful and beautiful and elaborate. We also tend to forget that every day is not a holiday, and we don’t have to make the equivalent of an elaborate Thanksgiving Dinner three times a day, every day. Instead, find a few basics that you don’t hate and that have nutritional value, build a routine, and then modify as you have the desire (and mental bandwidth) to do so. For me, I went with the following:
Done! I know I’m getting the nutrition I need, and I’m not spending an inordinate amount of my life trying to figure out what to eat. Problem solved. For others, it may be cooking up a whole bunch of chicken, boiling a dozen eggs then creating meals to take to work each day that include protein, frozen vegetables, an orange, and string cheese as a snack. For me, now that I have basic, go-to meals, I am starting to research additional meals I might want to make. The better you are at having at least a basic game plan for what you’re going to eat, the better set up you will be for success.
What Do You Think?
What are your best go-to pieces of practical advice for healthy eating? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Why Gluten Free?
I've been gluten free for a couple of years now. While it was a struggle at first (hello, donuts), I feel significantly better. Since I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, which sounds awful, but is totally manageable, eliminating gluten is one strategy that can help immensely. I also find that when I have to make special effort to eat things like bread, pasta and baked goods, I make way better food choices consistently since fruits, vegetables and lean protein are all naturally gluten free. Ordering at restaurants is also significantly easier since "salad with chicken" is now my go-to meal.
As a side note, I know people who shudder at the though of being gluten-free--and I get that. I'm not one to foist my diet on others (my daughter and coworkers often call dibs on my gluten, which is all good.) For many, the though of giving up bread is unthinkable. Personally, I also hate being the person who has to pipe up and announce that I have dietary needs. (Can I please call extra attention to myself while also being perceived as difficult? Ugh.) While initially I was also in that camp of both loving cake and not wanting to rock the boat, I now realize that I'm willing to do a great many things if the benefit is that I don't feel terrible all the time.
Sources of Gluten
So what is gluten? In short, "Gluten is a family of proteins found in grains like wheat, spelt, rye and barley." (See "Learn More" for additional details.) Here are the typical sources of gluten that are commonly present in the grocery store and on restaurant menus everywhere:
Some people suggest that "just this once" I should be able to eat gluten. That seems completely reasonable, but is not so much how it work. Upon the accidental ingestion of cookies and cream ice cream or a wayward crouton, bloating and a general feeling of yuckiness result. In cases where I have eaten something over the course of a few days that I later learned contained gluten, the condition intensifies to what I would ever-so-politely call "severe intestinal distress." It is not pleasant to say the least.
Sneaky Sources of Gluten
I now read labels like crazy. Fortunately, most labels have "contains wheat" at the bottom of the ingredients list. Other items will be labeled as "gluten-free"--sometimes even things like carrots. (Really, carrots? You're bragging about being gluten-free? By that logic, shouldn't you also be bragging about not being made of meat? I'm dissappointed in you, carrots.)
However, there are a few things I would have never have thought to check to see if they contained gluten. News flash: some of these are not even food.
Food You'd Never Suspect
Vitamins, Medications and Pills
I would have never expected to have to look for gluten in medications. (I'm not sure what I thought "pills" were made of, but it never occurred to me that it might be something I need to check.) Now, when I shop for vitamins or supplements, I make sure that they are listed as gluten-free. At one point, I bought melatonin in chewable form--which I now know not to take since "chewable" often equals "gluten." It's also worth asking your pharmacist to clarify that medications are gluten-free. Who knew?
Makeup and Personal Care Items
Now I feel like the glutens are just out to get me. After doing a bit more reading, even though personal care products (like shampoo, makeup, and lotions) sometimes contain gluten, they probably aren't going to have much of an impact (see "Learn More" for additional details). The main concern is ingestion gluten, not having it absorbed through the skin. Since gluten-free has become a buzz word, I'm sure that putting "Gluten Free" on items enables companies to charge more for them and promote that they are possibly better. Regardless of whether this is a legitimate concern, personal care items like cosmetics, hair care products and lotions may contain gluten. There are also companies, like Jason, who promote their products as Gluten Free.
Personally, I tend to use products that contain less (for lack of a better term) crap, many of which also do not contain gluten. See "learn more" for additional details on what to avoid in cosmetics.
What Do You Think?
Were you surprised by any of the items possibly containing gluten? What other gluten-containing products are available? Include your thoughts in the comments?
Brenda is an adaptable learning & development leader, innovative instructional designer, and job search coach.