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My Top 3: Holiday Movies

12/23/2018

 

'Tis the Season for Movie Watching

It's the time of year when it's cold outside, but warm and generally festive inside. The girl (now 15) and I have mother/daughter movie night on a regular basis. The week before Christmas until the new year is holiday-movie-palooza. Here are my three all time favorite holiday movies, and three honorable mentions for your viewing pleasure. 
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Happy holidays!

Die Hard

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When I look back at the movie that I have seen the most times, hands down, over my lifetime, the winner is Die Hard. I first saw it when my sister videotaped it from HBO long, long ago. It has stood the test of time as my favorite movie ever.

The storyline holds together well all these years later. Even the comment in the opening scene (making fists in the carpet with your toes) causes John McClain (Bruce Willis) to end up barefoot throughout the movie. Holly (Bonnie Bedalia) using her maiden name at work prolongs Hans (Alan Rickman) not figuring out her relationship to the rogue cop until near the end. Al Powell(Reginald VelJohnson) and his backstory culminate in him causing a key bad guy's downfall as Sgt Powell overcomes his fears. Everything is tied together.

As an extra added bonus, it's genuinely funny. From Ho-Ho-Ho, to Yippee kay yay, people lacking self awareness (Agent Johnson and Agent Johnson, no relation),  and a few characters that make you want to punch them in the face, this movie has it all--including at little Run DMC and Argyle (De'voreaux White), the best new limo driver a guy could be so lucky as to have on his side.

While You Were Sleeping

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This is one of the best romantic comedies ever made. Sandra Bullock is Lucy, a delightful, but lonely, woman who works for the Chicago Transit Authority. She has a crush on a man she has never talked to who takes the train each day. Heroism and hilarity ensue as she saves her crush, Peter (Peter Gallagher), and his giant wacky family thinks she's his fiance.

Add a coma, an estate furniture business, Peter's brother Jack (Bill Pullman), her landlord's bumbling son Joe Junior (Michael Rispoli) and Lucy trying to come clean and failing, and you have this clever feel-frustrated then feel-good movie.

Throw in a little memory loss, the Callahan family's amazing banter, and neighbor Saul (Jack Warden) trying to help, and you have a movie with the romantic comedy payoff you want after this wild misunderstanding fueled ride.  

When Harry Met Sally

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This movie is not only a classic, but includes at least two Christmas holiday seasons. It's the story of Harry (Billy Crystal) and Sally (Meg Ryan) through their meetings over the years and the changes in their relationship. 

This movie poses big questions. Can men and women be just friends? What is the right amount of cuddling time after sleeping together? Will a man ever leave his wife for his mistress? Can a man tell when a woman is "faking it"? 

This movie's comedic timing is epic. In an early scene, we see Harry having an initial conversation with Sally as he spews diatribes and spits grape seeds out the window. Later, Harry and his best friend Jess (Bruno Kirby) discuss Harry's impending divorce at a football game pausing intermittently to do the wave There's also the amazing scene where Jess and Harry have a phone conversation at the same time as Sally and Marie (Carrie Fischer) and the conversations overlap. All of this is punctuated by interviews of couples explaining their relationships, ending with Harry and Sally telling their story. It's a cinematic wonder. 

Honorable Mentions

With movies, it's hard to pick just three. For good measure, here are three more that I love. 
  • Elf: Will Ferrell as a crazily tall elf named Buddy. Cotton-headed ninny-muggins. Ginormous toilets. Miles Finch. Francisco being fun to say. The inevitable saving of Christmas. You had me at Will Ferrell.
  • White Christmas: Bob (Bing Crosby) and Phil (Danny Kay) as war buddies turned show biz partners. Judy (Vera Ellen) and Betty (Rosemary Clooney) as a musical sister act. Snow.  VistaVision. Choreography. A struggling general. Irrelevant musical numbers for no particular reason. A happy ending that makes me cry a little each time for all the reasons.
  • Bridget Jones Diary: Bridget (Renee Zellweger) and her delightful awkwardness as she decides to change her life. Mark (Colin Firth)'s horrid Christmas sweater. Two British men (Colin Firth and Hugh Grant) attempting to have a knock down, drag out fistfight that hurts a little to watch, but in a hilarious way. Genuinely tiny knickers. It's a lovely triumph of a not-quite-perfect woman who gets the guy she wants more than once.
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Now I have a machine gun. Ho-Ho-Ho.

What About You?

What are your favorite holiday movies? Include them in the comments. 

Learn More

  • 40 Best Christmas Movies of All Time
  • Die Hard
  • While You Were Sleeping
  • When Harry Met Sally

My Top 5: Adulting Advice for my Teenage Daughter

4/8/2018

 

Adulting is Hard

One of my goals as a parent is to help prepare my now teenage daughter to be a functional adult who makes good decisions and is happy and healthy. Here are my top 5 focus areas to position her for adulting success.

Tip 1: Plan ahead to avoid creating emergencies.

  • Have a plan and at least one back up plan. Circumstances change. Don’t be surprised.
  • Dress appropriately for the weather and activity. Sometimes this means walking shoes and bringing a sweatshirt. At other times, it’s an evening gown and high heels.
  • When you leave the house, bring your phone, wallet and keys. Every. Single. Time.
  • Find out a consistent place to put your possessions. If you lose things, you’ll have to manage without them or pay to replace them. That thing you can’t find? It’s wherever you put it.
  • Dye your hair whatever crazy color you want, just think through what you’ll do about roots.
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Plan ahead to avoid creating emergencies.

Tip 2: Take control of your personal safety and security.

  • Do not share passwords and passcodes for your house, phone or computer with anyone.
  • Don’t act like a victim. Be aware of your surroundings, walk with purpose and project confidence. Keep your head up and your nose out of your phone.
  • Keep yourself out of harm’s way. Don’t ride with a drunk driver. Don’t go on a date with someone who creeps you out. Don’t walk in a place that feels unsafe.
  • Answer your phone and check your messages. Your phone’s main purpose is not Instagram. It’s your lifeline so you can communicate with others. Being reachable=more personal freedom.
  • Don’t start a fight, but be ready to end it. Try to diffuse, or avoid, situations that could turn into an altercation. If worse comes to worse, defend yourself. 
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Take control of your personal safety and security.

Tip 3: Have positive interactions and build healthy relationships.

  • Greet people and smile. Say please and thank you. One kind act can make all the difference in your life, and the lives of others. Be a positive force in the world.
  • Not everyone will like you, and you won’t like everyone either. Be at least civil to people, but don’t be anyone’s doormat.
  • Sometimes you need to turn to an adult for guidance and support.  If you don’t talk to me, talk to your dad, your step-dad, your best friend’s mom, or a family friend. Let one of us help you.
  • You get to say no without giving a reason. You can decide not to spend time with someone, not to receive a hug from someone and not to loan your possessions to someone else.
  • I don’t care if you are interested in men, women, both or neither--just don’t date someone who is mean to you.
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Have positive interactions and build healthy relationships.

Tip 4: Attend to your overall health and well-being.

  • Pay it forward. Hold the door open. Give someone a dollar. Tip well. Wave back at small children. Doing good deeds without expecting anything in return increases your well-being.
  • Appreciate what you have and be grateful. Take care of your things and appreciate the experiences you have. Don’t take things for granted or act like the world owes you.
  • Listen to your emotions. They help you know when something is wrong and needs to change, or when something is the right decision. Use your head, but be sure to trust your gut.
  • Stay active doing things you love to do. Skate, hike, swim and play games. Take a walk with a friend. Ride your bikes to do errands. Build exercise into your life so it’s not a chore.
  • Skip the cigarettes. No one ever looks back and thinks, “Boy am I glad I started smoking.” 
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Attend to your overall health and well-being.

Tip 5: Commit to personal growth and positive change.

  • Get enough education to get a job you will like where you can support yourself.
  • Learn about multiple points of view. In the media the two most extreme viewpoints are represented, and the majority of people who are in the middle are dismissed. Seek out people, experiences and viewpoints that challenge the status quo.
  • Being open to changing your mind is growth, not weakness. As you meet people, live life and acquire more information, your views should evolve.
  • Complaining about all the actions people SHOULD  take to solve your problems gets you nowhere. Figure out what you can do, both short term and long term, to improve the situation.
  • “Being smart” is a journey, not a destination. Always keep learning and growing.
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Commit to personal growth and positive change.

What do you think?

What are your top pieces of adulting-related advice? Include your thoughts in the comments. 

Learn More

  • 10 Pieces of Advice I hope my Kids Won’t Ignore
  • The Best Advice You Can Give To Your Kids
  • 11 Pieces of Advice To Give The Teenagers in your Life  

My Top 3: Health Advice for my Teenage Daughter

8/10/2017

 
Figuring out how to stay healthy is a bijillion dollar business. On a daily basis, we see ads trying to sell us products and services to help us eat less, move more or cure what else ails me. A big part of adulting is figuring out how to take care of your health so you have the energy and wherewithall to do all of the other adulting that needs to be done.

A lot of the issues that we have as adults are not problems we had as children. Children eat when they are hungry, play when they are antsy and sleep when they are tired. As we grow up, we're told taught that those thing we do naturally are all wrong, and we learn to adapt. Unfortunately, when we become the adults, we try to relearn ways of being that actually work. 

Fortunately, through sheer luck, I have managed not to parent every good instinct out of my child, so she has less to unlearn and relearn. Here are my top three pieces of advice for my daughter on the topic of physical health. It's also a good reminder for those of us who are grown adults who need to remind ourselves of some key habits that can help us course-correct our current unhealthy path. 
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My daughter and her best good friend--skating and otherwise being active.

Eat When You're Hungry; Stop When You're Full

Like many adults, I've had a lifelong battle with my weight, which is sometimes more successful than others. One issue that I have is emotional eating. In short, I have a terrible habit of eating for reasons that are not being hungry. As children, we all get this. We eat when we're hungry, and stop when we're full--and it infuriates the adults in their lives to no end. I think of the speeches I received as a child about not wasting food, cleaning my plate, finishing what I ordered at a restaurant and more. I've personally seen adults eat food I have left on my plate instead of having to watch it "go to waste." The irony is that we're' treating ourselves as a garbage can by eating when we not hungry for out of some misplaced sense of financial prudence.

Fortunately, you get the whole "eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full" thing way more than I ever have. Keep having those healthy boundaries when it comes to food. Don't listen to people who tell you that you have to eat the special cookies/cake/jam made specially for you, , that you're too skinny, or that stuffing food in your face when you're not hungry is any kind of a good idea. Be polite and thank people for whatever they offer, and turn them down. This one habit will save you the frustration of unnecessary weight gain more than any other habit.
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Eat when you're hungry. Stop when you're full--regardless of if your plate is clean or not. Remember, you are not a garbage can.

Stay Active

As a small child, you were all about playing. There was recess at school, hitting the playground on weekends and a neverending barrage of birthday parties featuring laser tag, jumpy castles and swimming. Over time, that slowed down. Now recess is a thing of the past, but there is jui jitsu, roller skating, roller derby, trips to the waterpark, walking around the neighborhood with friends and circus classes. The older you get, there will be less opportunities for physical activity, and more times when you'll be watching videos, working on a computer or just generally being stationary. You will most likely end up with an office job that involves more sitting than not.

As you get older, and more "grown up," keep on playing and being physically active. Go canoeing, skating and hiking. When hanging out with friends, walk and talk, don't just go to a coffee shop or restaurant. Find something that you love and keep doing it--whether it's biking, or martial arts, or climbing or something totally else. Just keep moving.

Sometimes people think that exercise has to be awful and unpleasant. Don't try to make yourself to something you hate. Find something active you like and do that. You don't have to run, do cross fit or do yoga flow if that isn't your thing. Just do something to stay active, and keep trying new things to keep moving your body. Build movement into your life so it's just a natural thing that you WANT to do, not something you HAVE to do.
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You know what's fun? Roller skating with your best good friend on a Sunday afternoon. Call it exercise if you must.

Get Enough Sleep

You know what else most adults are terrible at? Getting enough sleep. Most adults skimp on sleep under the guise of getting more done--and we typically  are less efficient and effective when we don't sleep enough. 

So what should you do? Go to bed when you are tired. If you'll be out late, take a disco nap to help make up for the sleep you won't get that night. If you have a "slumber party", get some sleep the day after. Go to bed at a decent time on school nights so that getting up isn't any more unpleasant that it needs to be. Get 8 or more hours of sleep a night. Everything is better when you're not overtired. 

So why get sleep? As if the beauty of taking naps isn't enough, here are just a few reasons why getting enough sleep is important. It helps you continue to grow in your ongoing quest to be a head taller than me. It also helps you think more clearly and enjoy things more. It helps you be in a better mood and not cranky. You make better decisions when you're well rested. It also helps keep your weight in check and regulates your mood. Sleep is the most underrated thing you can do to maintain your overall well-being.
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Here is the Meathook kitty taking a much needed disco nap so she's not cranky while crazily running around the house at 2 am.

What Do You Think?

What are your top pieces of health advice? 

Learn More

  • Healthy Living Tips for Teenagers from Live Strong
  • Exercise sucks. Here's What To Do About It from Nerd Fitness 
  • Why is Sleep Important from the University of Minnesota
  • Emotional Eating & Teens by Kids Health






















My Top 3: Advice on Adulting for My Teenage Daughter

7/30/2017

 
I am a parent to a teenage daughter. [Insert appropriate level of panic here.]

Personally, I don't think most people really know what they are doing when it comes to parenting. I always felt like there would be a magical day when I felt grown up and like I knew all of the secrets of the world. Suffice it to say that it hasn't happened. Regardless, I have a child, and she's growing up, so I've continued to make things up as I've gone along, and it's been going pretty well. So far, she's a likable, considerate person who gets decent grades, has a lot of interests, and has friends whose parents I don't hate. As an extra added bonus, she gets along with me as a mom and a tolerable adult figure. I consider that a win.

With that less than stellar resume of my parental qualifications, here are my top 3 pieces of unsolicitied life advice for my teenage daughter. Who knows. Maybe your child, or any random adult for that matter, will learn a little something.
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My daughter, looking only moderately angsty.

1. You actually don't "HAVE TO" do most things.

There are some basic life things that we all have to do--but there's a whole lot that we actually don't have to do, but that we do out of obligation. Let me rephrase. You do not  have to do everything people ask or tell you to do, like or try. ​You get to say no and you don't even have to give said person a reason why either. How cool is that?

You don't have to like a band, hate a person, identify as gay/bi/straight, try a drug, do a shot, dye your hair, eat food, take a dare or do anything physically that you don't want to do. People of all ages will try to tell you otherwise, and they are wrong. This also goes for hugging someone creepy, eating a dessert that a coworker made or having a second helping of casserole because someone says "You are too skinny!" People often want some sort of validation for how they live their lives, and they will try to get someone to affirm their own choices by choosing them, too. You don't have to be that someone. 

​The flip side of this is that other people also don't have to do everything you tell them they have to do either. We each get to make our own choices, and take a "No" or "No thank you" or "I don't think so" as a real answer. Set the personal boundaries that are right for you, and accept other people's boundaries, too. 
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Just because all the other girls in the forest are tossing their baskets in the air, you don't have to toss yours, too.

2. Plan ahead--at least a little bit.

Children and adults alike each deal with "emergencies" on a regular basis--many of which wouldn't have had to be emergencies with just a wee bit of forethought. Many day to day "emergencies" can be mitigated by having your cell phone, $10 in cash, and your house keys.

On the low end, here are a few super-easy tips from me to you. Bring a towel with you into the bathroom. Brush your teeth before you put on your lipstick. Put on your knee pads before your wrist guards. A little forethought goes a long way.

On to bigger and better things. Many other perceived "emergencies" have only become so because of neglecting to look ahead a few days to see what is coming up or a general lack of communication. On Sunday, look ahead at your week. Give me a heads up that you have a band concert, volleyball game, birthday party or sleepover at least 2 days before it happens. If I have to fill out paperwork, or give you permission to do something, or figure out any logistics, make that a week. All those activities that you are involved it don't just happen. It takes a bit to get a doctor's appointment for an athletics physical or request a copy of your vaccination records or lay hands on the special whatever-it-is that you want to get whats-her-name for whatever thing it is she's celebrating.

Also, just know that if you don't plan ahead, I am at the point where I'm done making your poor planning my emergency. I've got things going on too--must of which I had to schedule and arrange to accommodate all of your activities that I actually knew about.

Overall, take responsibility for your own life because no one is going to care more about your activities than you do. Get a calendar and write things down. While I'm temporarily still your chauffeur, I am not your concierge.
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Get a calendar. Write stuff down. Stop asking me what day it is.

3. Seek out help when you need it.

Everyone needs help from an adult sometimes. Everyone. You can talk to me, or if you'd rather, try out these people: your dad, your step-dad, my best friend, your best friend's mom, a teacher at school who you like. Talking to your friends is great, but sometimes you need an adult opinion. (I have 30 years of life experience on you--which means I've been through a few things that are totally new to you.) You are fortunate that you have many, many people who care about you who want you to be well. Even if you think it's the most horrible thing that anyone could ever do, let's talk and figure out what's next. Give me a chance to help before you do something extreme like running away, hurting yourself or hurting others. I am also happy to share my list of stupid things that I did as a child (and some after that) that I also thought were super horrible then that you will find laughably lame, now. 

​If you know of someone who you think needs help, tell one of us about that, too. I am happy to talk to your friends, their friends, other people's parents, or whoever else you think is struggling to help them get through it--whatever it might be. Life is often hard, and going through it alone makes it even harder. Let one of us help--which includes picking you up and helping you get out of a messed up situation at some god awful hour in the morning (which I will happily do whenever it is needed.) I'm also not going to yell at you or give you a hard time. Again. Here to help.
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Asking for help is not weakness. It's smart and shows strength.

"Adulting" Advice

What is your top "adulting" advice for others?

Learn More

  • Teaching Kids about the Harsh Realities of Life
  • Gameplan for Positive Parenting Your Teen

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    Brenda is a dynamic training and development leader and an innovative learning experience designer. Brenda also enjoys learning all the things.

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